Many of us dread a few common challenges as the holiday season approaches. One of the most significant is dealing with family drama and its aftermath. Vacation is meant to be a time to break free from obligations and restore our energy. However, family gatherings often bring togetherness and conflict during Thanksgiving and Christmas. It’s no wonder someone once said, “Family is where life begins, and love never ends; however, sometimes, sanity goes missing too.”
Stages to maintain your sanity:
- Prepare.
Set Realistic Expectations: Understand that family dynamics and past conflicts might resurface. Don’t expect perfection. If your family has issues, they will remain so. No magic will happen. Identify and set personal boundaries: Try to make rules in your mind. Some things are off-limits: your looks,
personal comments, salary, partner, kids, etc. Do not get into too many discussions about them. Apply the same rules to others. You will not fix them in three days, and if you do think you can, then rather start a business of doing so.
Identify Triggers: Think about what topics or behaviors might cause tension. Be prepared to avoid or deflect these discussions.
Practice Self-Care: Prioritize your well-being. Get enough sleep, eat healthy meals, and engage in activities you enjoy. Be ready to take a break from time to time. Leave your Fear of Missing Out (FOMO) at the door.
- During The Gathering:
Manage your Emotional Response:
- Choose Your Battles: Not every comment or slight needs a response. Sometimes, the best strategy is to let things go.
- Set Boundaries: Politely excuse yourself if a conversation becomes too heated or uncomfortable.
- Practice Active Listening: Try understanding the other person’s perspective, even if you disagree.
- Take Breaks: If you start to feel overwhelmed, step away for a few minutes. Go for a walk, meditate, or take some deep breaths. Try these grounding techniques.
- Focus on the Positive: Shift your attention to the gathering’s positive aspects, like spending time with loved ones or enjoying a delicious meal.
- Humor Can Help: A well-timed joke or lighthearted comment can diffuse tension.
- Find an Ally: Try to hang around with like-minded family. It may be your long-lost cousin that you may never see again, as long as they have similar viewpoints and are ready to support you.
- After the Gathering:
- Process Your Emotions: Talk to a friend, family member, or therapist about your experiences.
- Self-Care Routine: Engage in activities that help you relax and recharge.
- Learn from the Experience: Reflect on what worked and what didn’t. Use this knowledge to plan for future gatherings.
- Continue to maintain boundaries: Just because some members are friendly to you for a short time does not mean they will always be nice to you.
Tarak Vasavada, MD
Medical director,
Live Well Foundation of Madison County Medical Society